It was a truth that he could not deny. In the case with Crusch, Subaru’s poor theories were all refuted. It was also the same case with Russel and Anasthesia, who were both adept at negotiating. Yet, Rem closed her eyes from the doubts that she had, not just being out of the trust she had for Subaru, but much more rather out of consideration for the situation.
Subaru, while being the person who had led himself into this situation, had no necessity to deceive and try to save face. Subaru, who had succeeded in negotiating to becomes allies with them, of course also understood that his own mere image undeniably had improved in other’s people’s eyes. Thus, you could say that it would not be necessary for Crusch and the rest to vehemently deny the things Subaru said, labeling them as “lies”. If he were just to bring results, they would forget all about the little things that he said that they were dubious about.
However, Rem was not like that. Rem, even now, the same as always, continued to supported him. Even now, out of all the people in the world, she remained to be the person to bring him the most warmth through her continuous, unwavering acceptance and understanding. To continue to lie to this girl was a whole different matter than lying to Crusch and the others when it came to the effects it had to his heart, as in this case the pain continued to eat it up. He voiced his feelings, wishing only to simply be able to continue to cling onto her deep, pure affection that she would show him. However, that was something he definitely could not do.
[Subaru: Rem, I…]
[Rem: It’s okay, Subaru-kun.]
Subaru came up with a plan that would somehow save her, using words that would fix the situation. However, Rem shook her head in rejection while wearing a smile on her face. Being surprised, mouth still open, Subaru looked towards Rem, who was wearing a sincere look on her face.
[Rem: I at least can always tell when Subaru-kun is lying. I’m always looking at Subaru-kun, after all.]
Wearing a shy smile showing signs of embarrassment, Rem playfully put one of her fingers on her mouth. After that, she turned that finger towards Subaru’s direction and,
[Rem: I understand that you cannot tell me the reason for these lies. But, Subaru-kun you don’t have to worry about not being able to tell me these things, you know?]
[Rem: Because after all, I believe you with all my heart, Subaru-kun.]
The wind brushed gently against the two who were facing each other underneath the Flugel tree as time passed. Placing her hands on her chest, Rem made a declaration in front of Subaru who stood there in silence.
[Rem: If Subaru-kun tells me that he knows where the white whale will appear, I’ll believe it. If Subaru-kun tells me that the witches are after Emilia-sama and the others, I’ll believe that too. Even if you told me that the moon will fall and that the country is going to be destroyed, I’ll still believe you.]
[Subaru: …I didn’t say that much]
[Rem: Yes, that’s right. But, I am that serious.]
Erasing the smile from her face, Rem suddenly looked at Subaru with a serious look. After that, she quietly lowered her back and pinched the sides of her skirt and while bowing,
[Rem: With all my body, with all my heart, I adore you. Therefore, now, and from now on, I will never doubt Subaru-kun.]
[Rem: So, doing things like trying to convince me to believe you, covering things up with lies, making the wind corner yourself, is completely unnecessary.]
Subaru could barely endure the sensations of his throat being blocked and having warm feelings fill up his heart. Thus, looking at that face within the corner of his eye, he opened his quivering mouth and,
[Subaru: Ahhh-, This tree is huge. When I look at it I get filled with energy!]
[Rem: Yes, I agree.]
[Subaru: If I don’t look at towards the top of this tree for even a moment, I can’t calm down-. So, for this reason, and no other reason at all, I’m going to continue to avoid looking down-]
[Rem: Yes, sounds good.]
In order to avoid letting tears fall out, Subaru hid his bluff within his face, continuing to look above. Rem disallowed Subaru’s weakness within his bluffing from exposing itself by gently covering it up with her affection.
Now, once again, Subaru truly realized the degree of his foolishness.
It would have been better if he had honestly spoke his mind about everything from the very beginning. Actually, he wouldn’t be able to inform her about absolutely everything, but still if he told everything about the tragedies that were going to occur, Subaru would have definitely been able to avoid experiencing the tragedy a 2nd and 3rd time.
He wouldn’t be able to explain his reasoning. They wouldn’t believe them even if he told them. These were his thoughts, and he continued fixating on believing that he had no other choice other than to do everything by himself, continuing to experience all types of failures repeatedly
But, Rem was different. She didn’t seek an explanation of his reasoning. Even if he didn’t say it, she still would continue to believe in Subaru. Now as well, just like this, she showed caring affection for Subaru, who could not speak the truth.
[Subaru: I should be saying thank you instead of sorry during times like these huh.]
Frantically holding onto the tears, Subaru somehow brought himself to lower his head and matched eyesight with Rem. In reaction to Subaru’s response, Rem held a wide smile while nodding her head and said,
[Rem: You’re welcome. And besides, Rem has always, always, always been thankful for Subaru. We are even.]
[Subaru: To me it feels pretty clear that the amount of things I’ve been able to do for you is extremely light in comparison to how much you’ve given me.]
[Rem: That’s not true.]
Looking slightly downward, Rem denied Subaru’s words while shaking her head. Raising his eyebrows towards her manner, he had already began to try and spill out words of denial to cover himself but,
[Rem: It’s actually just selfish of me to even continue this conversation because it is only bringing pain to Subaru-kun.]
[Subaru: I don’t think of it like that. It’s my fault for hiding things from you.]
[Rem: But it really is just me being selfish. Thus, I’m sorry.]
Although Rem’s tone of voice held a sense of self-judgement, she still looked up with a bright smile. Subaru looked happily at that figure whose tone of voice and smile were contradictory, Rem tilting her head.
[Rem: I want to be the person to bear even just a bit of the burden that Subaru-kun carries on his back. Not being able to be the person to do that, hurts me more than I can bear.]
The heaviness of Rem’s feelings, along with her resolve, was now too being felt. Leaning his back against the huge tree, Subaru took one deep breath.
Despite having warm feelings swell up within his chest, Subaru used his courage to speak.
[Subaru: I—I love Emilia.]
It was the words that were said once before to her. Even while knowing that these words were terrible words that hurt her, Subaru still spoke them again. But,
[Subaru: But, when I look at you, my heart flutters. …You can think of me as a terrible guy.]
He thought these words were terrible but convenient. However, they were words that were not lies; they were Subaru’s true feelings. Even though he couldn’t answer Rem’s feelings, her words were the only ones that would make his heart warm up to this degree.
As a reaction to Subaru’s feelings, Rem sighed a timid “hohh” that made it seem as if she had caught a fever.
[Rem: You really are a terrible person, Subaru-kun.]
[Rem: That was a lie. I love you.]
[Subaru: I…get that.]
In reaction to Rem clearly voicing her feelings once again, Subaru’s face turned red immediately. If it wasn’t deep into the night, his the redness on his face would definitely be standing out right now. In order to hide himself blushing, he began to walk.
[Subaru: It’s about time we head back. Up until the moment the white whale appears, we need to thoroughly prepare our bodies and hearts.]
Before passing by Rem on his side, he took her dangling right hand. Rem let out a small “ah” as Subaru took her hand, and as she abruptly began to match Subaru’s quick pace, with a playful look in her eyes, she gazed at the face of a boy who seldom looked at himself.
[Subaru: …What is it]
[Rem: I’m okay with being your second wife.]
They were words that would make your legs stop moving without thinking. Before collecting himself, taking a quick glance towards Rem’s direction, he saw Rem wearing an expression that made it seem as if she were trying to be a playful cat, eagerly anticipating Subaru’s answer while seemingly wagging her tail back and forth. Ahh, jesus, anywhere with this girl—-.
[Subaru: If Emilia-tan is someone who tolerates polygamy then ok.]
[Rem: Well then, I guess once we get back I’ll need to persuade Emilia-sama. I’ll do my best.]
Forming her other empty hand into a fist, she put together a bit of her spirit and smiled. After Rem said those lighthearted words that dissolved the tension between the two, Subaru clearly understood his own weakness and became clearly aware that he really was no match for her in things like this.
In situations like these, with Emilia, with Rem, a man could not match a woman, no matter what. Just this weakness, a weakness that was different from all the others, was a weakness that was okay to recognize.