Just how long has it been since he heard that voice?

In real-time, not much time had passed since that girl fell asleep. At best, you could say it was like an ordinary period of one week where you wouldn’t be able to meet friends or family. Yet, Subaru didn’t feel this way.

The time that passed for Subaru felt like anything but real-time because of how he went back over and over and repeatedly threw away his life. If we were to think of the time that passed in sense of his soul, it would be a much more vast amount of time. It had been so long since the voice that made his heart flutter passed into his ears.

[Rem: Please wake up, Subaru-kun. It would make me happy if you showed me your face.]

These words came down from above towards Subaru, who had laid with his face on the ground. That voice of affection-of deep, affectionate passion, quickly filled Subaru’s heart with feelings of warmth. Just from having that gentle voice say a few words to him, a fever started to permeate into the vessel of his empty, languid heart.

Really, just how much strength could this girl provide him?

[Subaru: This can’t be real.]

[Rem: No, it is real.]

[Subaru: You shouldn’t be here.]

[Rem: I will be by your side whenever you wish for it.]

[Subaru: There’s no way…for you to always somehow come to my side…whenever I wish for it the most. Something so convenient like that can’t…..]

[Rem: Well I always want to be a girl who is as available as possible for Subaru-kun.]

Subaru’s shameful whining spilled out in large drops along with his uncontrollable tears. But even then, words of despise and words of misjudgment never came from this voice that came in contact with Subaru. This girl knew this part of him.

There was this part of him that continued to move forward in doubt, not knowing what to do, being so fragile to the point that he could not live on without something or someone to cling on to, always lacking self-confidence. Even though he lacked strength in this way, this girl would still tell Subaru that she loved him.

[Subaru: —-Rem.]

[Rem: Yes. This is Subaru-kun’s Rem.]

He lifted his face. A blue color rose to the surface of his vision that was blurred from his tears. He saw her standing before his eyes.

The figure of his beloved Rem.

[Subaru: Rem…….]

[Rem: Yes, this is Rem. This is the helpful maid that will be in a place in reach of your hands whenever you wish for me to be by your side.]

[Subaru: Yo-u…..]

Rem tilted her head and frivolously toyed with Subaru. Before Subaru said anything in response to Rem’s behavior, he felt air gently exhaling from his lungs. With a thump, something heavy in his chest brought him ease. His breathing became calm, and the little version of himself that was bawling inside his head disappeared.

Subaru was dumbfounded by how so easily-how so effortlessly he was able to be saved. His heart could only feel his situation to be a stalemate with how helpless it was, but just by having this one girl appear in front of his eyes, his heart was able to escape a stalemate even of this degree.

[Subaru: Rem, you’re amazing.]

[Rem: Thank you Subaru-kun. You’re wonderful too.]

The words that she let out with a smile felt like words of acceptance, which were different from her usual words of disagreement that she would let out. Simply from having feelings of happiness rise up from their exchanges, he was on the verge of breaking down and crying uncontrollably about the things he had bore with in the past. Rem brought her lap out in front of Subaru, who was collapsed on the ground with his eyes facing down. 

[Rem: Are you okay? Are you worn out?]

[Subaru: I…wonder……I wonder if I’m worn out….even when I haven’t accomplished anything yet…]

Subaru was not able to reach a single answer as he had only been knocked down in this parallel world. He felt that he was not in a position to say that he was tired. Everyone is suffering more. Everyone is feeling more feelings of adversity. Why must everyone suffer? The answer to that is obvious.

[Subaru: It’s because I’m weak.]

[———-]

[Subaru: I don’t have enough strength.]

[———-]

[Subaru: If I was stronger, if I was wiser, if I was a more capable man….nobody would have to suffer like that, nobody would have to be sad, and everybody would be relieved from their feelings of adversity.]

If Subaru was strong enough to do everything and anything by himself, he should have been able to console Beatrice-who remained in isolation for 400 years; Emilia should have been able overcome her heart that faced towards the past; he should have been able to save Petra and Frederica, who were exposed to a murderer’s dagger; he should have been able to save everybody in the “sanctuary” from the menace of the big rabbits that could threaten lives; and he should have recklessly been able to ward off the foreign enemy alongside with Garfiel.

Everything, all of it, everything and anything was Subaru’s fault. So to compensate for that weakness, he had no choice but to cut off shavings of his soul. That’s what he thought, but even then…

[Subaru: Was I not….saving anyone?]

[Rem: Subaru-kun.]

[Subaru: Just how many people, how many times-just how many times have I let these people die in these worlds that continued after I died?]

[Rem: Subaru-kun.]

[Subaru: Just how many times have I let you die? Just how many times must I kill you?]

[Rem: ——Subaru-kun.]

Subaru confessed his sins, spilling them rapidly while he trembled with fear from the depths of his body. He wanted someone to evaluate him immediately after he stopped letting everything out. Before his heart could stop breaking, he wanted someone by his side to condemn him. He wanted someone to call him a helpless idiot and push him off his high horse, as he looked like a fool while promising to not mistakes anymore, despite being someone who was characteristic of taking the wrong initial step, leading himself onto the wrong path.

[———–]

Subaru wished for someone to punish him, but even then, what he received was an embrace that seemed to gently cover him up.

[Subaru: Rem.]

[Rem: It’s okay. It’ll be alright, Subaru-kun.]

[Subaru: What do you mean alright….nothing can be alright….]

There was nothing, not a single damn thing that Subaru-kun was able to accomplish. There were so many people who he needed to save. There were so many people that were meeting cruel ends to their lives. Rem also had to be saved by Subaru. She had the right to condemn Subaru for being a weak, incompetent individual who was unable to reach her.

[Subaru: You….hate……..!]

[Rem: ——I love you.]

She simply whispered her love as she brought her forehead close to his.

[———-]

His mouth was sealed. He no longer was able to say anything. Her shiny blue eyes were right near him and were looking straight at Subaru. He felt as if he was going to drown in the deep affection that was in her eyes.

[Rem: I love you, Subaru-kun. —-So, everything will be alright.]

[Subaru: That….doesn’t explain….anything]

[Rem: It does. It explains why I’m here. It explains why I forgive Subaru-kun. It explains why I embrace Subaru-kun. Everything is explained, just from this one reason.]

Rem entangled Subaru’s heart with the unseen hand of her smile while he was close enough to feel her breath. He couldn’t move, not even slightly.  She moved her small hands around his back, gripped onto the edge of his clothes, and then tightly and strongly embraced Subaru with such strength that it seemed as if they were becoming one.

[Rem: It’s been rough hasn’t it, Subaru-kun.]

[————]

[Rem: It must have been harsh….getting this hurt….while being all alone, Subaru-kun.]

[———–]

[Rem: You don’t have to be filled with such sad thoughts anymore. It’s going to be alright.]

Rem continued to talk in a sweet tone of voice to Subaru, who couldn’t return any words, as he was someone who desperately fulfilled his self imposed obligation of enduring pain. In order to gently untangle his heart, in order to dissolve his feelings of obstinance she-

[Rem: I will take care of all of Subaru-kun’s adversities, all of Subaru-kun’s pain, and all of Subaru-kun’s weaknesses. I will make them all my own.]

[……………]

[Rem: There’s no longer any reason for you to put everything and anything on your shoulders, Subaru-kun. —–Leave everything to me. For now, just rest thoroughly and sleep.]

[Subaru: …I, I a-]

[Rem: Show me the Subaru-kun I love once more.]

Rem put her hand on Subaru’s face, made his face look up, and then looked at him right before his eyes. Suddenly, she puckered his lips, seemingly with hesitation, and from there, Rem’s face was coming closer and closer. Even with the state of his sluggish consciousness, he knew what she was trying to do, and he knew what he was probably going to do. This beloved girl’s lips were approaching from a place right by him-a place of such proximity that he could feel her breath. Is it okay to once again entangle, once again dissolve after drowning, and then once again sink?

Whether it was right or wrong, it seemed like he was being forgiven.

Just how much of Rem’s words gently permeated into Subaru’s heart? This girl understood everything about Subaru. She was saving him once again from the irritable feelings that rose up. She was saving him once again from the confusion of his soul that wanted to reach its hand out.

Rem would offer her hand to the powerless Subaru.
Rem would reliably have the fragile Subaru’s back.
Rem would pull the foolish Subaru’s hand and guide him whenever he traveled along the wrong path.

If he could cut off all his reliance, all his dependence on other people’s kindness, and then arrive at the correct answer…just how much meaning would it have if he got there through his own lonesome struggle, all by himself?

He became worn out; he no longer knew his own footing; he no longer knew which way to walk towards, so he gave up on everything and anything, and he yielded to anything and everything—-.

[Rem: It is easy to give up.]

[————]

[Rem: But]

[————]

[Rem: It doesn’t fit Subaru-kun.]

He heard a voice.

[Rem: —-Subaru-kun?]

He heard the dubious voice of Rem right before his eyes. On top of that, she should have been so close to his face and they should have been on the verge of meeting each other’s lips, but Subaru interrupted this situation with his own hand. The sweet feelings of having the tips of their tongues expectantly entwine with each other never came into fruition, and then a small speck of a seemingly injured light turned off and on in Rem’s eyes. Subaru looked at the opening in between his fingers and the flickering light, and then said:

[Subaru: ——-Who are you?]

[Rem: Eh——?]

[Subaru: I said, who are you?]

[Rem: Subaru-kun, what are you….who am I? How could…..]

Rem mumbled these words in response to Subaru’s low toned questioning, while it sounded as if her throat was cramping up. A sign of sorrow was deeply engraved in her expression with the marking of the grief that had faintly ascended into her eyes-which Subaru was looking at excessively, causing him to feel as if his heart was tearing from both the inside and the outside. In order to distract him from this feeling, he restrained his chest from above by showing frank hostility.

[Subaru: When….when I reach a dead-end with no way out, causing me to earnestly beg for someone to help me in any way possible, finally coming to a point where I just about give up and feel like there’s nothing I could do…I really did want you to be there for me in times like those.]

[————]

[Subaru: I really did think that you would surely be the one to gently hold me in your lap when I reached my limits, and that you would affectionately snuggle up to me when I continued to have hesitance and worry from the things that happened in the past.]

[————]

[Subaru: And when you listened to me complain-when I would let it all out of my mouth-when finally every single one of my tears dried up and faded away you would say….]

[———–]

[Subaru: ——You would say stand up. That’s what you would say.]

Natsuki Subaru fully and vividly remembered the slenderness of the fingers that he came in contact with, the warmth he felt from being close to her body, and the volume of the love that she gave him. That’s why he would go on to strictly tell the Rem before his eyes-the fraud before him-that-

[Subaru: Rem wouldn’t tell me to rest.]

[———-]

[Subaru: Rem wouldn’t tell me to give up and leave everything up to her.]

[———-]

[Subaru: Because the girl that loves me, the girl that I love back, the girl that affectionately provides me love—-the girl that is harder on me more than any other person in the world, the girl that doesn’t let me off easily, that girl is the real Rem!]

Subaru cried these words while he looked as if he was going to break down while standing, and then took a few steps back after he gazed at the Rem in front of him.

Rem looked at Subaru from the ground in silence with one of her knees drawn up. But even now, her facial expression still seemed like it was becoming one that indicated that she was going to drown in the sorrow that surfaced from Subaru’s rejection.

[Rem: No. Please listen, Subaru-kun! It, it wasn’t like that. I just couldn’t bear to watch Subaru-kun suffer…. So, I just wanted you to rest and forget about your adversities, that’s all!]

[Subaru: I can show you my weak side. I can also show you fragile side. I can show you the side of me that is a helpless, little rascal too. ——But, one side that I can never show is a side of me that gives up.]

Rem had said once before, that Subaru is a hero. Natsuki Subaru had decided once before, that he would be Rem’s hero.

Ever since they exchanged this promise, Subaru had decided once in for all that: in this world, in this universe, the only person Natsuki Subaru could hope to show his weak side to was Rem, and only in front of Rem.

Even if she knew about Subaru’s weakness, if he could just combine it with Rem’s faith that she would give in response to his efforts to be strong in front of her, Subaru could live on without hiding the truth that he was weak. He could not show it in front of Emilia; he could not show it in front of Beatrice; he could not show it in front of anyone else. Subaru could only show this weak side of him-the side of him that believed he had to be strong no matter what-to Rem and only Rem.

[Subaru: Thus, my weaknesses belong to Rem. She would thoroughly cover up my weaknesses, and because of that I will cling on to her, but nothing beyond that, because giving up is the sole thing I cannot do.]

[————]

[Subaru: Reveal yourself, you fraud. ——–Don’t you dare fuck with me with the FACE OF MY REM! Don’t you dare fuck with me with the VOICE OF MY REMMMM!]

Subaru made this declaration, and thrusted his fist at Rem—–at the fraud. The person that listened to Subaru’s declaration was at a loss for words. She then silently bent her head down, and then, with her head still facing down, she slowly, quietly stood up.

[???: Thi-this…..this is different fr…om what……I was…told.]

[Subaru: Huh……?]

The fraud with her head down-the fraud with her blue hair swaying said these words in a clogged, obstructed manner.  Hearing these words, Subaru raised his voice with doubt and——.

[———–]

Rem’s appearance became fuzzy. It looked as if an image was being blurred in front of his eyes.

Visions that looked like a sandstorm you’d see late at night in the TV filled up all parts of his eyes, and when the plug was pulled for that ephemeral world, a different person appeared. 

——It was his first meeting with this person.

It was a girl with light pink hair that extended down towards the middle of her back, seemingly having a timid appearance, rather than a gentle appearance. Although each of her facial features were well-kept, it wasn’t as if she had an outstanding sense of beauty that made her features look better. Perhaps  you could say that she had an ordinary type of lovely appearance that other people had.

This girl, who was wearing long white sleeves all the way up to her wrists, was looking at Subaru while cowering in fear, as she was holding onto her face with both of her hands.

[Subaru: Who…..who are you?]

[Carmilla: I-I’m the Witch of Lust, Carmilla. Nice to meet yo…….u]

Subaru reflexively caught his breath in reaction to Carmilla’s answer to his question. She called herself the Witch of Lust, meaning-

[Subaru: I’m guessing this incomprehensible space is….Echidna’s dream.]

[Carmilla: That’s correct, but….that might not…be it. Echidna is observing the trial, so……trials are always….dream-like….yeah…..that’s right.]

[Subaru: I mean you’re cutting of essential points one after another, but as for before….]

Subaru remembered the way of talking Carmilla used that pissed him off. Carmilla naturally held onto her head for the time being upon seeing the harsh look Subaru had in his eyes.

[Carmilla: I won’t…please…d-don’t hit me….]

[Subaru: I won’t do that. I won’t do that, but….why did you do that thing from before?]

[Carmilla: Thing…..from before?]

[Subaru: I’m talking about the thing where you appeared before me with Rem’s appearance! That’s your ability!?]

Considering she was a witch that was crowned with the reputation of grave sins, she should be someone who holds a completely special type of authority. If she was the Witch of Lust, she absolutely should be in possession of authority. If that authority was the transformation from before, then—–,

[Subaru: That transformation power of yours paled in comparison to the other Witches’ powers, huh.]

[Carmilla: Huh? I didn-I didn’t….transform. I-If I looked..like someone..else….tha-that was just….bec-because of your imag-imagination.]

[Subaru: What?]

[Carmilla: What I me-mean is……I-I didn’t even want to s…..see you. They told me that Echidna-chan is carrying it out, so……I used up all my lies, so……]

Carmilla’s grumbled whispers made Subaru’s irritation within him grow even worse. He hated her way of speaking; he hated the way she projected her gaze; he hated her frailness of looking down after sensing a gaze coming her way. Everything and anything irritated him. Her excessively delicate way of speaking, her seemingly irritated quarreling, what the hell was all that about? On top of not being able to clearly let out the words she wanted to say, she did not understand how she pretty much trampled all over Subaru’s deep care for that person with her own mimicry, while being unaware of just how deep his care for that person actually was.

He was frustrated. He was irritated. He showered her with his shouting. He wanted to get her to understand.

[Subaru: Do…..do you not understand what you did?]

[Carmilla: Even though Echidna-chan sa…..said to just spoil you….and then it…..it would go well….it tu-turned out like…….e-even when I told her no…]

[Subaru: LISTEN…..!!]

[Carmilla: E-everyone…..ganged up..o-on me..th-they bullied me……th…that’s right. E-even Echidna-chan..did. They did that and…terrible…..te-terrible..]

[Subaru: Do you not understand what LISTEN MEANS!?]

Subaru realized that he had raised a voice that cracked from squeezing air from his lungs while yelling. He realized it,  but it immediately escaped his mind when he remembered how serious the hatred that burned his body was. Any concern other than his suffocation and his irritation that was going to crack his chest was trivial. Her mouth that hesitantly and timidly let out complaints again and again was closed. Subaru threw all of his anger and all of his previous pain at her as he tried to get her to understand just what she—-

[???: ——Anything more and you will be risking your life.]

[———!?]

For an instant, he heard something similar to a murmuring voice come close to his ears, and then his consciousness returned.

What had attacked him just now was the pain of being on the verge of suffocation during the period without oxygen that had continued, along with the pain from the dryness of his eyes that resulted from having kept them open.

[Subaru: Ah———–ah, ahhh?]

[???: I had to take some drastic measures, but the most important thing is that you came back. When a person is facing Carmilla, the lustful “invisible goddess”, that person forgets to breath, and ultimately, even their heartbeat stops.]

[Subaru: Ehaa gafuu…….ha haaa]

While choking out his saliva from his suffocation, Subaru ended up falling flat on the ground with both his hands and feet as his thoughts flickered on and off. But an audible voice definitely passed by his ears, and the meaning of it transmitted into his brain. Therefore, Subaru wiped his mouth with his sleeve, took a look at the people who were sure that they were prepared for just about any situation, and then showed his frank hostility once again.

[Subaru: What..what do have you planned—–Echidna?]

The white-haired witch turned towards  Subaru’s eyes, which were filled with nothing but hatred, and while smoothing down her own hair, she naturally made a gesture of resting her chin in her hand on top of a table and said:

[Echidna: Isn’t it obvious? —-we’re witches.  It’s an evil plot.]

with a smile on her face.