This is a part of chapter 71 arc 4 that was requested by a friend of mine.
edit: He actually sent me the wrong scene. I wouldn’t recommend reading this, as it’s pointless to read it without context. I’ll leave it up anyway though if anyone wants to read it for whatever reason

Another turn of bad events, another return. Subaru shook his body in order to wake it up and leap away.

[Subaru: —tss, hah! ….ah, aahhh, ha, aahh!?]

His body was squirming in agony on top of the hard, cold ground. The tumbling Subaru—whose nostrils were also being violated by the stinky stench of being covered in moss—fell into nothing but a state of inaction, as he tried to escape from the storm that was trying to disrupt the senses of his internal body. His mind could only wonder about what was happening, nothing else. He continued to tumble, hit the semicircular canal, and then he gasped for air as his lungs continued to feel pain. Even though his thoughts weren’t enough to tear up his consciousness, even if they were simply fragments, he wanted to diminish them by falling into a state of unconsciousness.

[Subaru:—oo, goo!]

But even if he were to deceive himself with that victimizing nature, he would put his goal on hold anyway when he hit a wall and bounced back. When he felt the pain from being hit on his back and his blood running down from his forehead that struck the wall, tears began to flow from the corner of his eye as he continued to pant with his face pushed towards the ground.

—–Pathetic. Worthless. Beyond helpless.

Just how long, just how many times, just how much has Natsuki Subaru been beaten down by his weakness? Just what could he do to have a steel heart that would never be broken? One that wouldn’t break no matter what type of situation came at him. One that wouldn’t break no matter what type of pain he’d be intensely hit with. He was this weak. He was this fragile. So, Subaru from now and from now on——

[Subaru: Is this pretension….? Is this avoidance….?]

It wasn’t unreasonable for him to think this. There were so, so many times when he became reminded of this possibility in the corner of his mind. But even now, the reason why it didn’t come anywhere closer than the corner of his mind, the reason why he didn’t unconsciously verify that truth, the reason why he didn’t consider it—was because he refused to, and nothing more.

If Subaru—the one capable of using “Return by Death”—were to think of himself as nothing more than an after world existence, his legs would collapse when fighting. Everything he sought to save was deserting Natsuki Subaru—no,  Natsuki Subaru was the person who succumbed to desert them. Subaru deserted the world and ran away to a new world all by himself as he shamefully, selfishly met death. The reason why Subaru showed this scene was surely because of the remnants of the world that could continue when it became deserted by him with his rash decision making. Furthermore, The hell that could release Subaru through killing him had already been the previous scene from before.

[???: That’s a lie.]

His consciousness suddenly started to become hazy again. It was different from drowsiness. It was a sort of forced separation from reality where his consciousness would suddenly become light.

[???: Look at the feasible improbability.]

Once again, this unknown person with an unknown voice whispered into his ears. When he sought to figure out who it was with his vague consciousness——-he realized that-

——–He realized that, it could be none other than the voice of his own.